


holiday from real

by justjumpordont



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alcohol, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, but just like weed, california markson, confirmed side jjp, hinted jjp, light college au, slight angst, yugs is only mentioned oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6084015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justjumpordont/pseuds/justjumpordont
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jackson's liked his best friend for a while now and mark is just realizing what this all means</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. we can live like this

**Author's Note:**

> i cringe when re-reading my stuff, i hope any disconnect isn't too glaringly obvious
> 
> i totally forgot! i made a moodboard for this fic if anyone wants to check it out, it's [here](http://dimblethum.tumblr.com/post/152289545500)  
> i also made an 8tracks, that can be found [here](https://8tracks.com/dimblethum/we-can-live-like-this)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jackson muttered "yeah" but truthfully he hadn't seen it, eyes glued to mark. mark's lips, mark's nose, mark's hair, tousled from the wind that came off the water earlier, when mark watched the ocean and jackson watched him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> outfits and hair looks not really mentioned but kind of based off the REAL GOT7 s3ep10 "just right" dance practice.
> 
> i'm listening to jack's mannequin and want to write ca!markson fics for the whole damn album

it's humid outside, the street lights casting a hazy golden glow on the abandoned street. mark pulls up in front of jackson's apartment, honks twice, then gets out his phone to shoot him a text because let's be honest, he's probably sleeping, mark didn't bother to check the time before he left his house.

mark sees movement out of the corner of his eye and looks up to see jackson stumbling out the door towards him. his previously furrowed brow softens as he takes in the sight. he probably shouldn't be here.

jackson finally makes it to the car, taking off his snapback and running a hand through his hair before placing it back on his head, backwards. mark rolls down the window. jackson leans down and rests his folded arms on the sill and ducks his head in. "what's up? it's early, are you okay?" 

mark smiles slightly, "sorry for coming by, i had to go for a drive."

"no problem man, what time is it anyway?" jackson yawns, covering his mouth and standing up to stretch his other arm over his head. mark glances at the clock on the dashboard and his stomach drops a little _shit i shouldn't have honked_ "ah, it's 4:30, sorry jacks."

"hey, no big deal, let me in."

mark leans over to open the door, outside handle broken years ago. "so where're we headed?" jackson fiddles with the radio as mark goes silent for a minute. he turns the dusty dial, amazed the thing still works. he looks up for a moment, eyes flashing to the driver's seat and mark is worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.

"counting crows?" mark asks, raising an eyebrow at the music coming through the speakers, tongue darting out to wet his lips again. he adjusts his own hat before putting the car in drive and pulling away from the curb, heading down the familiar street in jackson's neighborhood towards the beach.

jackson turns around slightly, waving his arm in the backseat, asks "you got a blanket in here?" right before his hand brushes it, mark makes a noncommittal noise and jackson pulls it around him to cover the goosebumps on his arms, they're not from the breeze coming in the still open window, but that's what he'd say if asked. he shoots mark a look but the elder is focused on the road, rounding a corner, digging in the cup holder between them for change to put in the meter.

by now the sky's lightening and the stars are starting to disappear. mark parks the car, they sit silently for a minute. jackson makes a move for the door handle but mark brushes his hand over his knee as he reaches into the glove box for a lighter. jackson stills, looks over at mark and is a little shocked to see a blunt in the slender fingers of his other hand. mark doesn't get high often, jackson says he doesn't like the smell and mark would swim the pacific for him so he tends to refrain. he finds the lighter and gets out of the car, dropping the coins in the meter. he walks a few steps down the sidewalk, and lights the joint, taking a drag. he meanders over to jackson's side of the car, careful to make sure the smoke doesn't head towards the open window. "sorry..." he mutters, flicking the ash away, "i had to take the edge off."

jackson's doesn't mind so much when it's just mark, it's when he comes home to his shared apartment with jinyoung and jb's stunk up the bathroom that it gets on his nerves. he pulls the blanket up under his chin.

mark bends down to put out the blunt on the pavement and his shirt rides up, pale skin peeking out above his jeans.  
jackson watches him, remembering how soft that same skin was when he brushed it with his fingers last week when mark stumbled into his room, kinda high and recreationally drunk and sat on the edge of his bed and mumbled something jackson didn't quite hear. so jackson scooted to the edge beside him and said "huh?" and mark, catching him off guard, tilted his head and pressed his lips to jackson's softly. then not so softly. and jackson kissed back because he'd wanted to for years and damn if he's going to pass up the chance. mark leaned back then, flashing jackson a smile and running his tongue over his front teeth and fuck if jackson doesn't want to touch those perfect teeth with his own tongue. so he decides he will, pulling mark down on top of him. 

they broke apart eventually, mark rolling over off of jackson and mumbling something that sounded like "...'m sleepy" so jackson grabbed a blanket from the corner of the bed and covered mark gingerly before getting up and closing the door quietly behind him.

jackson's snapped back to reality by mark tapping his knuckles to jackson's forearm, placing the joint back in his pocket with his other hand, he takes off his hat and tosses it past jackson's shoulder into the backseat. mark takes a few steps over where the concrete meets the sand. jackson watches his shoulders move up and down, mark taking deep breaths of the salty air. counting crows still playing quietly on the radio, jackson guesses he left the tape in last time they went for a drive. he should probably take it back before mark's shitty car eats it. 

mark finally turns, he'd wandered some way into the sand. he trudges back across it and gets back in the car. he turns to jackson, "thanks-" he says, looking down and biting his bottom lip again, jackson decides to speak just then and ends up cutting mark off mid thought and throws the blanket down to his knees and turns to mark abruptly, "sorry about last week, if you even remember."

mark startles, lips parting in a silent "oh" before looking down at the steering wheel and taking a moment to compose himself.

jackson knows he remembers by how jinyoung had informed him after he got back from class that mark had stumbled out of jackson's room an hour later, fingers to his lips, and sat at the small kitchen table, muttering "shit" under his breath.  
they'd never kissed before that and jackson knew he was taking advantage but fuck they'd known each other their whole lives and he swears this had been building since they were seniors and mark refused to tell him why his girlfriend was so pissed when they broke up and she'd whispered "good luck with him" to jackson on her way out the door.

back to the present, mark was pulling out of the parking lot, heading down the street slowly, taking the long way back to jackson's apartment. no other cars were out at this hour, just surfers lugging their boards on the sidewalk. somehow they never took up surfing. "that's a cool one," mark pointed to a board with some kind of drawing on it.

jackson muttered "yeah" but truthfully he hadn't seen it, eyes glued to mark. mark's lips, mark's nose, mark's hair, tousled from the wind that came off the water earlier, when mark watched the ocean and jackson watched him.

mark pulls the car up to the curb outside jackson's shared apartment and turns the key to shut it off. jackson reaches out a hand, cards his fingers through mark's windblown hair, and mark doesn't stop him. this was normal, they were always touchy feely, you take showers and share beds with a guy until well into puberty and you kind of lose all sense of personal space. mark turns to him then, inhales, "what was that last week?" the words finally leave his mouth, that mouth, and jackson just kind of wants to kiss him again. mark doesn't sound annoyed, just confused and jackson shakes his head. he doesn't know what to say so he leans over and places his mouth gently on mark's. mark doesn't move away but jackson pulls his head away quickly, staying close enough for mark's breath to ghost over jackson's nose and he figures he should say something.

"is this ok? " his words come out shaky in reply, "also, you kissed me first." mark brings his hands up, places one on the back of jackson's neck and the other on his bicep. jackson has goosebumps again but if mark notices, he doesn't mention it and he quickly closes the small gap between their mouths and runs his tongue over jackson's bottom lip to gain entrance and maybe jackson's kind of in shock because he doesn't respond right away but when his brain finally catches on that _mark_ is kissing him, that mark is knocking the hat off jackson's head and moving in his seat to get a better angle at jackson's mouth, maybe he should ask what this is about. but mark breaks the kiss briefly to lift his tee over his head and jackson's eyes go to mark's collarbones and he reaches over and pulls the lever to put mark's seat back and then he's leaning over mark in the front seat of his beat up car at 4:30 in the morning. mark only took one drag off that joint so jackson knows he's not high this time but _he_ might be a little from the scent of mark's neck as he sucks on it lightly, mark's fingers tangling in his hair.

jackson’s toned muscles moved under the skin of his bicep as he pushes himself up from the seat, head tilting from where he's still mouthing at mark's neck, he was starting to leave a bruise. "what are we doing?" he whispered and mark sits up under him.

"i think you were giving me a hickey.” he smirks. 

jackson sat back in his own seat then, "put your shirt back on, let's go inside." he wrestled with the door handle for a moment before winning and stepping out of the car. he fishes his keys out of his pocket and heads for the door without looking back to see if mark was following him.

 

mark walks in the front door of the apartment, following jackson at his own pace, pausing at the mirror in the small entrance area. “shit jinyoung’s gonna get a kick out of that,” mark pulls at the collar of his shirt, stretching his neck up to get a look at the fast forming bruise. “he probably won’t let this go for weeks.” he laughs then, low, and jackson's cheeks heat up a little even from where he's standing in the kitchen bent over to look in the fridge.

"you want a drink?" jackson asks, browsing the kitchen for something to keep his mind off mark's mouth.

"no, i’m good," mark answers, wandering over to join jackson in the kitchen, hitching himself up to sit on the counter.

"okay," jackson says, closing the fridge but not turning around to face his best friend, the boy he'd just been kissing in his car, heartbeat not yet steady.

"hey jacks," mark says quietly from behind him, placing his hand on jackson's shoulder tentatively. "look at me."

jackson turns around then, lifting his gaze to the bruise on mark's neck, he'd done that. _fuck_ , he thought but he also thought it was kinda hot and he kind of wanted to do it again. mark hooked his skinny leg around jackson’s torso then, pulling him closer, and he put his hands on the top of jackson’s head, hat replaced from when he knocked it off earlier.  
"what are we doing?" he repeated jackson’s previous question and this time jackson answered him.

"do you want to do this for real, or are you just experimenting? because i don't care, you know i love you, but i’ve kind of been wanting to kiss you since tenth grade and after your last girlfriend broke up with you she mentioned some stuff, and i didn’t take it seriously, but i kind of felt something so if you could just be straightforward with me..." he drops his head, words stalling on the tip of his tongue.

"i can be half straightforward" mark chuckles lightly under his breath, jackson furrows his brow at him, corners of his mouth turned downwards.

"since when?"

"fuck, jackson, i don’t know!” he swung his arms out, hands splayed, and shrugged his shoulders. “last month, last year, five years ago, my whole life maybe, who cares! i just want to be here." he takes jackson's hand, tangling their fingers.

"okay." was all jackson said as he pulled mark down from the counter and maneuvered them towards his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't written in YEARS but i was listening to counting crows and in "'round here" the line "parks her car outside of my house and takes her clothes off, says she's close to understanding jesus" i pictured mark and i can't draw at all so this came out of it.  
> i edited this a million times, and found mistakes each time, so i hope everything is okay, at some point i slipped into a different word tense and had to fix half of it so i hope i got it all.


	2. if you left it up to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe he can't do this, maybe he should cut his losses and leave, tell mark to forget any of this ever happened, go back to how they were before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so hi yeah idk what i'm doing, here take this, sorry

they woke up in the afternoon, jackson first, he rolled onto his side slowly, facing mark and watched his body as he inhaled, exhaled. why was he doing this to himself? 

 

they'd only kissed, before mark had dozed off in jackson's arms (deja vu), head rested on his friend's chest. jackson didn't mind, but he wondered what mark's previous night was like. he'd placed a kiss to the top of mark's head before letting the hum of the ceiling fan and mark's rhythmic breaths lull him to sleep too.

 

jackson carefully removed himself from his bed, tugging the blankets up around mark's shoulders. he picked up a hoodie from the back of his desk chair and slipped his arms in, zipping it up lazily as he moved to the door. he gave mark's sleeping form one more glance as he turned the handle before walking out and closing the door as quietly as he could. 

jackson shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets, rounding the corner to the kitchen, squinting at the sunlight coming in through the sliding glass door. jaebum was sitting at their small kitchen table, jinyoung nowhere in sight. jackson ignored him, reaching into a cabinet for a cup when jaebum spoke up, "jinyoung's grabbing milk after his class." 

"'kay." jackson reached up for the cereal box on top of the fridge anyway, abandoning the cup on the counter. 

jinyoung came through the door like a whirlwind then, letting it slam back and hit the wall and jackson winced. jinyoung didn't notice, carrying a plastic bag and small jug of milk to the kitchen, not bothering to shut the door. jackson walked over to it slowly, letting the sun coming in warm his face before shutting it, "jesus, jinyoung, you're gonna put a hole in the wall." he said over his shoulder as he inspected it. 

"oops," jinyoung said noncommittally, they had holes in other walls, who cared about a couple more. "look," he said, pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his back pocket. jaebum grabbed it from his hands, fingers lingering, before unfolding the paper and smoothing it on the edge of the counter. 

"i passed yugyeom on campus and he gave me a flier for a party this weekend," jinyoung pushed himself up on the counter, hand grabbing at jaebum's forearm so he could read the flier too. jaebum's eyes moved from the flier to jinyoung's hand, jinyoung didn't notice as he read out the details. 

mark must've been woken up by the door slamming, jackson guessed, because when he looked over to his room, the door was open and mark was nowhere to be seen. jackson took a seat on the couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table, knees bent, hands back in his pockets. mark walked out from the direction of the bathroom a few minutes later, heels of his hands pressing at his eyes, hair a mess. jackson looked over and saw his hat was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, imagining what his own hair looked like, he ran a hand through it.

jackson wasn't exactly avoiding eye contact, it's just mark hadn't looked at him yet as he was taking the cup jackson had left on the counter and turning to the sink. jackson watched as his fingers curled around the faucet, water sloshing out, waiting for the cup to fill before he turned it back off and took a long drink, adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. 

jinyoung's eyes carefully flicked once from jackson on the couch to mark across from him. "since when do you live here?" he kicked at mark's ass a little too hard. 

"jinyoung," jackson said warningly from between his teeth. 

jaebum pushed the flier that was still in his hand into mark's space, "you wanna come to this with us?" he asked, trying to cut the tension in the room. mark took the paper, jackson watched as his eyes flit across the page, as mark walked over toward the couch. 

"put your feet down jackson, we eat on that," jinyoung said, referring to the coffee table. jackson let his legs drop just in time for mark to not collide with them as he stepped between the table and the couch, taking a seat on the opposite side, bending one leg under him and letting the other stretch out in jackson's direction. 

"isn't yugyeom like eighteen?" mark shot jinyoung a quizzical look.

jackson finally lifted his head and offered, "his parents own that house we always pass on the beach."

"sure," mark finally replied, "maybe i'll swing by," he looked at jackson who wasn't pointedly trying _not_ to look at mark, but was paying more attention to his fingers in his lap than seemed necessary. mark nudged at jackson's thigh with his foot, prompting jackson to look at mark from under his lashes. mark gave him a tiny tentative smile, jackson just placed his hand on mark's leg.

 

the next time jackson heard from mark was an hour into that party. jackson was standing on the back porch, the sun had been down for a while now, but the light above the door illuminated the beach enough for him to be able to watch the waves. jackson swallowed a sip of his beer and switched the bottle to his other hand when his phone buzzed in his pocket. "hey you still at that party" the text read, from mark of course, he was the only one that ever texted him anymore aside from the occasional text from jinyoung about living together stuff. 

jackson text back a quick thumbs up emoji before a couple came bursting through the backdoor he was leaning near. the girl giggled as she was led down the steps to the sand. jackson stared at the guy's arm around her waist, finishing off his drink and sitting the now empty bottle down on the table next to him and going inside. 

 

mark ran into jackson on his way to the bathroom, their hands brushing as jackson mentioned his goal. mark pointed to the back of the hallway he'd just come from, and when jackson turned to walk that way, mark followed. the hallway was lit softly, one of the walls lined with square windows that allowed the moonlight to bathe the tile floor, the other had a few closed doors. when jackson turned the silver handle to the bathroom, mark slipped in after him.

"dude, i really have to pee," jackson said when he realized, turning around to stare at mark, "cover your eyes or something." mark turned and faced the door, taking a sip from the cup jackson hadn't noticed that he'd been holding. 

after jackson had fixed his pants back up, he nudged the back of mark's leg with his shoe before washing his hands. mark sat his cup on the pristine counter, crossing his arms over his chest, he looked at jackson, who was drying his hands and then using the towel to wipe up the few water droplets that had splashed out of the sink. "hey jacks?" mark said quietly.

"hmm?" jackson looked at mark in the mirror even though he was standing right next to him.

mark's fingers twitched where they were gripping his own forearm, he looked down at his shoes. mark finally muttered, "i'm sorry for screwing around." mark watched as jackson's face softened, he was still looking at him through the mirror. mark's fingers trembled a little as he reached out to touch jackson's arm, "can you kiss me again?" 

jackson looked surprised for a second at mark's phrasing, but then he nodded. turning in mark's direction, he brought a hand up to mark's neck and leaned in cautiously. jackson watched as mark closed his eyes before their lips met, he felt the sigh that mark let out before jackson was pressing his mouth firmly to his friend's. 

it was delicate for a second before mark's hands moved up to grip jackson's biceps and he was moving, his feet bumping into jackson's as he crowded jackson against the counter. jackson's butt came into contact with the edge of the marble and he broke the kiss, breathing hard. mark leaned his head back and jackson opened his eyes just in time to see his tongue dart out to wet his bottom lip. "you good?" he breathed and mark nodded, his eyes were still closed. mark pressed his head to jackson's shoulder and let out another sigh, that was all he seemed to do these days.

"you're too good for me," jackson felt mark's lips moving against his bare shoulder. it was a miracle he could make out the words. he felt mark hadn't meant for him to, though. he didn't make a move to reply, just let mark rest his head until someone banged on the door and they both startled, mark lifting his head up, eyes barely widened, knowing they wouldn't be able to slip out of there unnoticed now. 

jackson rubbed his hand up and down mark's arm briefly, pushing him back from the door as he leaned his head out. he eyed the girl waiting for the bathroom before lying, not unkindly, "i think this one's broken, i'm sure you can find another though." the girl huffed at him before leaving and jackson stepped out completely, shooting a look behind him as he started off in the opposite direction, leaving mark to sort himself out. 

 

mark found him again in one of the guest rooms on the second floor. jackson was sitting cross-legged on the balcony, mark took note of the full bottle of some kind of alcohol on the end table next to the bed. "so this is where you ran off to," mark watched, biting his lip to hold back a laugh when jackson jumped, turning around to stare at the intruder. of course he'd heard the door but when it'd shut again so quickly he'd assumed it was someone looking for a place to hook up and leaving when they'd realized the room was occupied. mark ran his fingers along the dresser as he moved through the room, coming away with dust, "you'd think they'd have maids in this place," he wiped his hands on his pants hastily.

"they probably just don't clean the guest rooms regularly," jackson shrugged. mark's eyes lingered as jackson's shoulders lifted and then settled as he spoke, eyes fixed back on the horizon. mark thought about how he was always watching that damn horizon. suddenly jackson patted the spot next to him, glancing over his shoulder at mark. still standing in the center of the room dumbly, mark forced his body to move, taking short steps to the sliding door, then suddenly he was lowering himself to the concrete and jackson was looking at him instead 

jackson calms with mark sitting next to him now, he leans back until he's flat on the floor, bringing his arms up to cushion his head. mark stays sitting upright, looking out the balcony railing at the water. all the lights from the party are below them now and while there's quite a way between the other houses in the row it looks like no one's home. no surprise there, mark thinks, the beach front homes on this stretch are usually just vacation ones for the rich. that's why he likes this beach so much, there are never many people around. mark tunes back in as jackson's pointing out constellations, muttering assorted myths and he takes the information in, looking up at the sky too. 

jackson goes quiet for a while and mark wonders if he's fallen asleep so he turns his head to check only to find that jackson's gaze is on him. mark wonders how many times jackson's done this, watched him quietly while he was oblivious. if he's being honest, probably too many. they make eye contact and jackson takes in a deep breath. mark watches his chest rise and fall before twisting his body and leaning down into jackson's space. 

mark places his hands on the ground on either side of jackson's torso and jackson uncrosses his legs, lets one stretch out as he bends the other up. he tilts his chin in mark's direction, and mark almost takes it as a challenge, putting one knee between jackson's thighs. he's hovering over him completely now. mark leans his head down and jackson unfolds his arms and plants his hands near mark's own, pushing himself up off the hard floor and meeting mark halfway. they bump noses, can feel each other's shaky exhales on their skin. jackson pushes his body up a bit more. mark kisses his way down to jackson's neck, not trusting himself to touch jackson's mouth right now, not when he's buzzed and sleepy and wouldn't be able to control himself. mark wraps his hands around jackson's back, pulling him up into a sitting position and as mark lowers himself down onto jackson's thigh, jackson brings a hand up to cup mark's jaw. he places the other on mark's hip and sneaks in a kiss, slotting his open mouth with mark's parted lips. mark thinks about how can't do this, can't be doing this when he's still not sure what either of them wants but he kisses jackson back hungrily. jackson wraps both arms around mark's waist now and pushes him forward. 

mark's hands are tangled in jackson, one in his hair at the nape of his neck and one in his shirt. mark's thumb brushes jackson's cheek and it's wet, that's when he realizes he's crying. oh god he's made jackson cry, he's terrible at this he's a terrible best friend what is he even _doing._

he pulls back. mark pulls back and jackson comes to the realization too. _shit,_ god, how embarrassing. jackson tries to laugh it off, bringing his hands up frantically to wipe at his face but it's no use. he's really crying while making out with mark, how is any of this happening. mark tries to grab hold of his hands, tangling jackson's fingers with his own and shushing him, jackson thinks he doesn't deserve him. how fucked up do you have to be to pine after someone for years and then start crying when you're finally getting somewhere. maybe he can't do this, maybe he should cut his losses and leave, tell mark to forget any of this ever happened, go back to how they were before. 

"hey, hey," mark's talking to him, he realizes, "jacks hold on, wait," mark's saying and jackson tries to find some semblance of composure somewhere deep within him. "i'm so sorry for bringing any of this crap up. this is all my fault. you can just forget it ever happened. i don't want to fuck up our friendship over this," he scrambles up off of jackson's lap clumsily. 

jackson lets him but jumps to his feet right after, "mark no," he says quietly and then louder as mark's still moving across the room and to the door, "wait, please." 

mark waits, for what, he doesn't know, probably a punch in the face if he's lucky. he stands still, looking jackson in the face, but when jackson finally comes to him, he's enveloped in a hug instead. jackson wraps his arms around mark's shoulders and it takes mark a moment but soon he's burying his face in jackson's neck. 

mark offers to take jackson home after a while. jackson shakes his head and pulls mark to the bed with him, "can we just hang out for a bit ...maybe talk?" he asks. mark's not going to deny him that, after he's brought up all these feelings. the room is so dark, neither bothered to turn on the lamp so it's just the glow from the moon and the strip of light from under the door that illuminates them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i changed some parts as i proofread this and then didn't proofread again so i hope it makes sense


	3. waste our weeks beneath the sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i guess i've always kind of loved you," jackson can hear mark swallow thickly, "in some kind of way?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha ha! i don't think this actually ties anything up at all!  
> i promised myself i'd finish this if it got 1000 hits, i had to set a goal because i really wasn't working on it for a while and i still don't think i'm happy with it but here goes nothing.

"I wasn't lying to you," mark turns his head to look at jackson, "i really do want this, jacks, want you... in more ways than i hope i already have you," their fingers are folded together, crushed between their too close bodies. as if they could be. too close, that is.  
jackson drags his fingertips up and down his stomach idly, thinking about what to say, mark assumes. 

it's quiet when jackson finally speaks, "i believe you," he pauses, taking a deep breath. "i really do, mark, i just don't know how to feel with you now." 

mark lets out a short laugh but there's no joy in it really. he's about to plead his case, explain how not much has to be different, really, he's felt like this was the right step for a while. then jackson speaks again, "even with what i'd heard, i never thought you would reciprocate." 

"really, jackson?" mark sighs, retreating back into his head.

it gets quiet again, for a while, the only sounds the dull hum of the music from downstairs and a wind chime somewhere outside tinkling in the breeze. jackson's trying to make out shapes in the popcorn ceiling when mark speaks again. 

"how long have you been looking at me?" jackson blushes, just a barely there dust of pink to his cheeks, it's too dark for mark to see anyway. 

he hesitates, not sure why though. "i already told you that," he murmurs. mark turns on his side, tucking a pillow under his head with his free hand. jackson can feel his breath on his face, it smells faintly of alcohol and mint. funny, how he's only noticing now when they've already kissed tonight. 

mark shifts slightly so he can reach jackson's ear and he whispers, "tell me the whole story though, jacks." jackson's eyes slip closed, he takes in a breath through his nose and parts his lips to let it out. "it didn't come on all of a sudden, right?"

"i could ask you the same thing," jackson says, lifting his arm up to drape across his forehead.

"i guess i've always kind of loved you," jackson can hear mark swallow thickly, "in some kind of way?" it's not really a question but jackson can hear the inflection in his voice. "like, i've always felt compelled to be near you," mark continues. he's trying to gauge some kind if reaction from jackson but he's gone still. he continues anyway, "you've always been this, like force, that i need to be around." his voice is deep, "i don't think i'd be anything if i'd never met you, you know." 

"don't say that." jackson drinks in his words, noting the bitter strain they're tinted with.

"fine, your turn," mark sighs, he's always sighing. 

"you're beautiful," jackson starts off with and mark scoffs, actually scoffs. the puff of air tickles jackson's neck. "and smart," jackson turns on his side, disconnecting their now squashed hands and tucking his hand under his cheek. he brings the other up and brushes mark's hair out of his face. "and i like that you're quiet because you want to be, not because you're shy."

mark laughs, "you're loud as hell sometimes," he says and jackson nods.

"that's why i like it, you're calming."

jackson slips his leg between mark's, "you're always taking care of me, even when you've had girlfriends." 

"you know, that's why they all broke up with me?" mark tries to laugh but it's really not funny, "said i might as well be dating you." how long has he had these feelings for jackson anyway, without realizing what they actually were. 

"we're best friends, mark," jackson lets out in a shaky whisper, eyes almost closed, trying not to look mark in the eye. 

"and i said i wasn't fucking around," mark interrupts, his voice is rough, "i'll go at whatever pace you want jackson." 

"and if it ruins our friendship?"

"it won't," mark says it like a promise, because it is one for him. if jackson wakes up tomorrow, next week, next month, and says he's done with this, mark would still be by his side. 

"pinky promise," mark realizes jackson's staring at him, holding his hand up and mark links their little fingers.

"promise," he says as he's pulling jackson's hand the short distance to his mouth and kissing his fingers, teeth grazing his knuckles, jackson shivers. mark smiles against jackson's hand and says, "so," pauses, warm breath exhaling onto jackson's palm, "what's the plan?" 

jackson wraps his ankle around mark's calf and lifts himself up on his elbow to look down at him. jackson's hair is in his eyes, if mark ran his fingers through it like he wants to, he's sure it'd be sticky with the salt in the breeze from when they were on the balcony. he holds himself back from that though and instead grabs at the front of jackson's shirt. jackson obliges and puts weight on his knee between mark's legs, maneuvering himself half on top of him. his thigh is pressing into mark's groin as he leans down and places a kiss on mark's forehead. 

"seriously?" mark chuckles but he moves his hips against jackson's thigh and jackson begins leaving light loving kisses down his nose and finally on his mouth. their lips connect sofly, and mark pushes his head back for a second to let out a sigh before bringing them back together.

they'd left the sliding door open, someone downstairs yells too loudly about going skinny dipping and they both laugh against each other's mouths. jackson lifts his head up and mark watches, fascinated, as jackson's eyes crinkle while he smiles. 

then jackson's shifting and his thigh bumps mark again and mark grabs his shirt for real this time and pulls him down. he goes for jackson's neck though, runs his tongue along where it meets his shoulder. he savors the salty taste of jackson's skin and the surprised gasp in his ear. letting up every so often and pressing light kisses to the bruise that's starting to form. jackson's bucking his hips slowly, almost lazily, against the thigh he's straddling. 

jackson lifts himself up, breaking mark's contact with his skin, he kisses mark's jaw before sitting back, trailing his hands down mark's chest and stomach, he's taking in the sight. cataloging and filing it away in case anything happens, or doesn't. mark's lips are redder than normal and there's a glint in his eyes, even in the dark, that gives him butterflies, just like he's been getting since high school. mark looks at him, eyes slipping closed for a moment too long, enjoying the way jackson's staring at him now that he's aware of it, he licks his lips, sensually, on purpose. it's a thing he's always done out of habit but if abusing its power will get jackson to come kiss him again then, hell. 

it works, anyway. jackson leans back down of his own accord, settling comfortably on top of mark again and mark appreciates it when jackson slips his tongue in his mouth, slides his fingers through mark's hair, bracketing his head with his forearms. mark hums in pleasure. jackson breaks it off again to say, "since it's honesty hour, i think you should know that makes me crazy."

mark looks surprised at jackson's words, he furrows his brow so jackson adds, "the tongue thing, the lip biting thing, your teeth," jackson's blushing. 

"my teeth?" mark laughs at him. jackson's about to sit up and cover his face in embarrassment, but then mark's somehow managed to reach his shoulder from this position and he's biting it, all be it delicately, but jackson lets out a not embarrassed but maybe embarrassing groan instead. 

"shit," jackson does sit up, he desperately needs to regroup. 

"why don't we get started on this?" jackson crawls back off of mark and reaches for the bottle on the end table. he plops back down, legs crossed, next to mark, who looked up at him as jackson messes with the lid

"can't," mark brings his hand up to brush at jackson's knee with his fingertips. "i have to drive later," he says.

"right," jackson shakes his head quickly from left to right. "well i don't," and he lifts the now open bottle to his lips. 

mark watched as jackson's throat worked for a moment, before reaching up for the bottle, "hey slow down." jackson's allowed him to take it from his hands and mark promptly rolls over to sit it on the floor beside the bed. 

 

they sneaked out somewhere around four in the morning when half the bottle was gone (more so jackson's doing then mark's but he had taken tentative sips, passing the bottle back and forth as they sat up, legs crossed and knees pressed almost painfully together.) though it wasn't really sneaking since the only people left were either passed out or tucked away somewhere in one of the many guest rooms. 

jackson had gotten a ride there with jinyoung who was nowhere in sight so they walked a ways to mark's beat up car. jackson had his hands shoved in his pockets, he probably looked as on edge as he felt. mark walked confidently a few steps ahead. the golden streetlights were still shining as the sky started to lighten over the tops of the houses across the street. wayward sand crunched under their shoes as they strode down the pavement. 

jackson was shivering by the time they got to the car, muttering, mark makes out the sentence "i could've just walked home by now," and mark shoots back a "but you'd freeze to death" as he pushes the drivers seat up to look in the back for an extra hoodie. 

jackson laughs, head thrown back, and he's a little dizzy, not sure if it's from the motion or the fond look mark's giving him. he says, "mark, we're in california," as he's still in hysterics and catches the extra clothing mark tosses at him as he lets him in. jackson pulls the fabric on over his arms, hood tucked under his chin. he catches the tail end of mark's gaze before mark's forcing the gear shift down and pulling away from the curb. 

 

"you got any music this time?" mark asks.

jackson lets out a laugh and says, "it's your car mark," but he pops the glove box open anyway and starts digging around. 

"nothing i want to listen to," he straightens back up then pulls out his phone and starts scrolling. "here," he presses play and sets it on the seat between them. the opening lines of "on the impossible past" start playing and mark smirks, it's one of his favorite albums out of the ones jackson's played for him.

mark's loosely holding the steering wheel with one hand, his other arm resting on the open window sill. he starts nodding his head to the music, fingers drumming on the outside of the car door, he spares a glance in jackson's direction and says "fitting" before shaking the hair out of his eyes and looking back at the road. jackson props his legs up on the dashboard, crossing his arms and leaning his head back on the seat. he looks over at mark, taking in his profile in every flash of the streetlights as they pass, he watches the shadows change the plains of his face. it's light enough out that he can see the beach if he focuses his attention away from mark and instead through the driver's side window, looks at surfers unloading their boards and pulling on their wet suits.

mark glances at jackson again as he rounds a corner away from the beach. "you hungry?" he asks quietly, both his hands are on the wheel now. 

"what's even open?" jackson asks, lifting his head and turning to look out his side of the car. mark slows and turns into a gas station.

"we can grab a snack and then go wait for that taco place to open at six?" mark's rifling through his pockets, he pulls out a twenty and hands it to jackson, asks if he can go pay for the gas and grab them something. jackson does, of course, stepping out of the car and readjusting the hoodie, money clutched in his hand as he pulls it over his head now. mark's leaning on the roof of the car, arms folded and his chin resting on them, watching jackson pull the hem down. it hangs passed his hips and mark thinks it might've been jackson's originally, at some point, who knows anymore. 

jackson jogs away and mark turns around, raising his head and looking for the moon in the pale blue sky. 

it startles him when jackson returns, hand hitting the roof as he comes to a stop, a plastic bag clutched in the other one. he tosses it onto the floor of the car through the open window and then walks around the back, removing the pump and placing it in the tank. jackson steps over the hose and into mark's space, placing a tentative hand on his waist. "hey," he whispers, voice raspy. the music's still playing softly in the background, something about american muscle cars and mark laughs, tilting his head down. he's still leaning back against the car door so jackson's slightly taller than him. 

jackson leans into him, presses a kiss to his forehead and wraps a hand around mark's bicep. the gas pump clicks and mark stands up straight, turning to put it back and jackson walks back around the car and gets in. mark wipes his hands on his pants after the door has clunked shut. he starts the car and pulls back onto the deserted road, jackson's messing around with his phone.

"hey let's go to that lookout," he says, lifting his eyes to the road, but not moving his head up.

"what's up with you and watching those surfers?" mark asks but turns around anyway, "you wanna learn or something?" 

"hah i don't think so," jackson says, he slips a sleeve covered hand between his thighs to try to warm it. he's still messing with his phone and mark raises an eyebrow. jackson catches it, just barely in his field of vision and tosses the phone back down onto the seat. "i was trying to find out what happened to jinyoung," he answers.

"oh yeah? anything good?" mark replies offhand, stopping the car at a red light.

"yeah," jackson makes a face, eyebrows coming together and lips pursed, "he sent me a pic of jaebum's naked torso."

mark hadn't laughed that hard in weeks.

 

less than ten minutes later, after they'd parked the car and trudged up the incline. seated on a bench overlooking the ocean, mark looked over at jackson instead, he took in a deep breath and then knocked his shoulder with jackson's. 

"it's gonna be okay, you know? you can figure it out," jackson says, eyes still on the horizon, but his hand inching over to meet mark's. mark rests his head against jackson's shoulder and jackson does the same.

"i know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "on the impossible past" is an album by the menzingers that i've completely fallen for this last fall and it ended up really fitting this fic, so i threw a reference in, sorry! 
> 
> but yeah, thanks so much for reading this and taking part in my writing revival... i'd like to thank got7 and whatever bands i've been listening to lately, and my inane tendency to project those feelings onto other things.


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